Trust and Obey, For There's No Other Way

I’ve gotten negligent about my daily writing.  Other things have taken precedent, and it should not be so—for what is a mere 30 minutes a day?  Now, for the past few days it has been chilly, cloudy and my acedia was back in full force yesterday. ¹ And frankly, I was in a grumpy mood. 

So this morning I made a commitment to get started once again with my daily writing.  I’m not fooling myself into thinking that anything will come of this writing in the productive sense that our culture values so highly (read “published!”)  But what I have learned about my writing is this:  I am more alive with it, as it creates spiritual meaning to my life--a  connection to God.  Marilynne Robinson so clearly states what is true for her (and me, as well) is that, “writing consists very largely of exploring intuition.” ²  It is this exploring, this attending to intuition which gives way to the spiritual, "personal" communication from the Holy Spirit about what my life on this earth should be about.

I’ve often wondered if I am afflicted with that popular “disorder” of children these days--Attention Deficit Disorder.  When acedia sets in, I have trouble focusing; too many thoughts and obsessions take over; I flit from task to task, never fully concentrating on the one at hand.  I am easily distracted, and nothing “sits still” in my heart.  Even my centering prayer—a time of surrender and focus—becomes nothing more than a hotbed of racing thoughts, always those worrisome aspects of my life.  I seem to hold on to those as tightly as I can; that’s when the surrendering in centering prayer is most important, but also most difficult.

“Trust and obey, for there’s no other way” as the familiar hymn states is all about surrender. None of those wordly concerns that eat at me, matter when compared to the singular, simple life that Jesus walked while on this earth.  His only concern was to trust and obey His Heavenly Father.  He did so that we might know how to live.  Lord, I am so, so far from that.  Help me surrender to your grace, help me trust and obey.

¹ acedia is defined as: 1) spiritual or mental sloth; 2. Apathy; a lack of care or interest; indifference; 3) boredom  (en.wiktionary.org) 

²When I Was a Child, I Read Books: essays, Marilynne Robinson, 2012

Okay, here’s a quirky poem I wrote awhile back which speaks somewhat to the ongoing daily surrender that must take place.

Grace as in a Nursery Rhyme

Once there was a woman.

(Not that old one who lived

in the shoe!)  But an everyday, ordinary

woman, who--not being a part

of any nursery rhyme, news story, novel,

or poem, but this one--fell many times,

(perhaps not tumbling down a hill like Jill)

but tumbling all the same.

After each fall, she stood up

and began again, newly formed

from the scattered pieces of each fall. 

(Not like Humpty Dumpty whose fragments

still adorn the foot of his famous wall.)

If this isn’t grace,

then tell me,

how do you get out of bed each morning?